This is a topic that I think a lot of us talk about often, but for whatever reason tend to not actually apply to our own unique situations. I very recently was in a battle with myself over
my self-worth; not caused by a lack of worthiness but rather because I placed greater value in
the other person in that situation who was pushing my boundaries rather than looking out for
myself. Long story short...don’t do it. Let’s get into it.
What is self-worth? What does self-worth mean to you?
According to a definition found on Google:
“Self-worth is a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect.”
“Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognising
‘I am greater than all of those things’.”
According to my friend’s personal definition:
“Self-worth is understanding I’m good enough, I’m worthy for love, worthy of receiving good
things and I’m not expecting less from anyone.”
According to what my own personal definition:
“Self-worth is the total realisation and complete regard for the value you hold.”
To expand, this can be seen in various aspects but also not limited to: how I let people talk to/
treat me, the way I speak to/ treat myself, the amount of work/effort I put in my personal
development and growth, as well as the expectations I have for people when it comes to the
complete manner in which they deal with me. Additionally, my reaction to when people
display anything less than what I expect from them in regards to their behaviour towards
myself also comes into play.
Please understand that my definition takes into consideration the behaviour of others, which
is important to note as I feel a lot of our worth is weighted by other people and if you’re not
careful, it starts to depreciate without us noticing as a result of all the small things we start to
tolerate. Hence it is important to frequently question some of the things we let slide and stand
firm in the things you demand from people, not only in romantic relationships but also with
friendships and with family. You teach people how to treat you. If you make someone think
that giving you a 2 out of 10 is all you need, you won’t get a 8/9, you might actually get a 1
and honestly a 0 is very likely too. But if you show that you require nothing less than a 10,
honey you will get a 10 and anyone who is unable to give a 10 can move aside and give space
to people who meet you at that level.
Loving others often requires us to make necessary compromises, which can be positively
integral to growing meaningful relationships, but the other party needs to compromise as
well. Relationships are two way streets with equal responsibilities, so if I have to compromise
50 percent, guess what? Other party needs to offer the same. It’s important to understand that
if someone knows your worth and values it, they will do all that is necessary to keep you in
their life rather than put you in situations that make you feel uncomfortable. They will not do
things that will in any form depreciate your self-worth. If you start to feel “unworthy”
something needs to change sweetie.
A good habit I always recommend is talking things out. I’m a talker, I believe that change can
only happen when you communicate and are vocal about all the things you expect in your
relationships. That way, the other person doesn’t have an excuse, they know what they need
to do to make sure you are comfortable and if they are not willing to make that change then
you are left with a choice that I believe is very clear. There are too many people in the world
for you to just be accepting the bare minimum and honestly it’s the worst thing you can do to
yourself. Let me also point out that once you start making excuses for the next person, you
are not only giving them the greenlight to treat you anyhow, you are also now making it
easier for future partners or friends to do the same. Things like this start to form into habits
and it all starts with how you react the first time. I am a big believer that if someone cares for
you and values you, they will take the steps necessary to show that. ACTIONS SPEAK
LOUDER THAN WORDS.
Now, let’s discuss what self-worth looks like when it comes to the relationship with yourself?
This is unique for everyone because we all value different things. But can I just say, the most
important one is to give yourself the best romance you have ever known;
You are your longest relationship, therefore it needs to be the best!
If you don’t know how to take care of yourself or show love to yourself then it will be
difficult to know what to expect from others. Especially in terms of keeping promises to
yourself. If you don’t keep promises to yourself then you may not expect others to keep them
to you. I am guilty of this, as I am sure we all have been at some point- even the smallest of
promises. Working on this will mean being able to build a more trustworthy relationship with
yourself, skyrocketing your self-worth, and filtering through to other aspects of your life, I
say this from experience.
For the sake of not making this too long, I’ll leave you all with this: you deserve so much
love. Whether that is in the form of care, attention, gifts, trips, wine and dining sessions,
remember that you’re worth it all. If someone feels it’s too much for them to provide its okay,
there will always be someone else willing to give you those things. The choice is honestly
yours. But let’s be real, if the person you need the change from hasn’t met you where you are
at already, the chances of them suddenly deciding to do so is slim, perhaps it’s time to let go
and invest in someone else who is more likely to do much more than you ask for.
Have a lovely week beautiful people and keep your head high.